I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
