I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
