4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
