my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
