now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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