Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
