I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
nutella sex= disaster
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
