i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
