Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
