At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize