I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
