Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We have started to decorate penises.
I wear drunk well.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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