so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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