question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
