I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
