I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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