who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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