How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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