bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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