Apparently you make a good broom.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
