omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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