i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
