I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
