i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
