You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
