So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
