Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
