my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Randomize
