apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
