Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
