Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
