Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
