Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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