rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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