dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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