I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
