This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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