YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
In America we eat man semen.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
