that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
