I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You need a sexual gate keeper
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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