i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
