So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
