The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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