I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
