who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
