2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
