Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
A bitchslap is in order.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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