I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
