just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
