Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
