I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He better not be in your backpack
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
