I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You've changed since you got that strap on
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
