my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
