I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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