the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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