I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
